You'll Never Guess What...!

Howdy y'all! Its been a long time (mainly because my laptop wont turn on because of the broken charger and I still haven't won the lottery so I cant afford to fix it).

Since my last entry, I have got myself a boyfriend! The guy from my earlier entry and I are now official. Im enjoying being with him but as usual the normal niggles come up, him being jealous, he can do but I cant do etc etc. But AMAZINGLY I'm training myself to breathe and reboot.
He's getting away with alot more than DB was and I find myself doing so much stuff for him (which is very much unlike me!!)

Also. I got pregnant!!!

But then as things go...I didnt stay pregnant for long. Only 5 weeks actually but it was fun while is lasted and we will carry on and make another one.

But I thought Id keep informed

Just Noticing...

Being nosey and going through Blogspot, Ive noticed there are ALOT of married, pregnant Christian women on here.
They all have pictures, they all have families and they are mostly in America.

Its so nice to see other people and their lives. How they live it, what they believe in, what they take photos of.

Nice...real nice!

Doesn't make me feel suicidal at all.

9 year old hormones

As a parent I probably shouldn't say this but MY CHILD IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

He has been a right handful these past few months and Ive welcomed the week long break Ive had from him (He went to stay with his fathers family in Slough for a week and he came back on Wednesday). I'd say I missed him a bit, but it was so nice not to have any attitude, any silly questions and any lies.
So I have him back today and boy has the rudeness returned!!!!! He's been good all of 4 hours!
Throwing a strop, slamming doors, asking why and really dragging out the yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Its driving me to drink.

Yes I know this is all part of it and yeah, sure I didnt think of it when I was having my end away at the age of 19 but come on...this is new!

Im asssuming that he is 'maturing' and getting all the hormones and emotions most kids get when they start the change, but I thought I'd at least have 2 more years. Cheese.

Lord Help Me *sigh*

Something New

I'm so afraid to write about this/him in case it all goes wrong. And with my luck it just might. I've FINALLY got together with a guy I've wanted for SO LONG!!! Trouble is he's my ex's best friend and not exactly my type. Actually, that's not a problem because he rocks my world, but the ex thing is posing problems with one of my closest friends. She doesn't want to hear about it, which is going to be hard because I tell her everything. This new exciting thing that's happening, I won't be able to tell her about it cos she doesn't approve. I feel like I'm in school again, hahah!

Anywho ----- I've been getting my end away and my oh my is it good.
My type - tall, dark and skinny. Him - short, dark and...larg..er than normal (for me). But I'm very happy with him so far. I've known him for a while and we hooked up on the 27th July! It felt so right and he's told my ex (his friend) already. We have his blessing so I'm praying with every bit of my body that this something that's going to last. I don't want Ms P to be right...

Watch this space...
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Being A Grown Up

You know its so weird. Sometimes, especially lately, I have to remind myself that I'm an adult. Not an adult in the 'paying bills, going to work, having a child' way.
But more like...FUCK! I...LIKE...LIVE BY MYSELF AND I'M FREE AND SINGLE AND I CAN BRING BACK ANYONE I WANT AND HAVE WILD SEX WITH THEM AND I CAN GO OUT WHENEVER I WANT, WHEREVER I WANT WITHOUT ANSWERING TO ANYONE!!!!!!

Wow! Its so cool!

Over and out

Babymother no.4? I don't think so

So I didn't meet the guy with 6 kids.
We had a few texts earlier in the week and he was supposed to let me know what restaurant we were going to meet at but he didn't message me and I didn't message him and we didn't meet in the end. Can't say I'm too fussed.
Eventhough he was nice to talk to, and we got along great, the Wolverhampton accent put me off and not to mention the Zoo of kids he had with 3 women!!
He actually text me the next day saying 'I guess our love affair is over then, lol. Have a good weekend'.

I didn't reply.

Mr Too Perfect

Bonjourno!!!
Long time no type...again!
My depression has gone (yay!) with the aid of some tablets and some sex (not together though cos its dangerous, lol)

Ive been meeting guys but they have all turned out to be timewasting, vain, assholes so Im still on the lookout.

I HAVE met one guy on Blackplanet though. We've been talking on the phone. He's funny and older (35) and works and drives and has a house in Florida and wants to get married and is of West Indian heritage.....oh did I mention he HAS 6 KIDS!!!! (pass the tissues please).
Now try as I might to not be so...ME, I can't help but feel deflated. Fair enough we havent met yet and he could turn out to be a munchkin with gigantic hands or something but this guy seems cool. Like realllly cool. Is he really going to want to have 2-3 more kids (cos thats what Im banking on, if my ovaries still work). I think thats a convo I'd have to bring up at dinner (next Friday, some Thai restaurant). Yes it may scare him away but I need to know what Im working with, lol.

And other news - I gave blood today!!! I'll go every few months and donate. Yeah mayne!

The Great Depression

Hola!
I haven't updated my blog in a while because my laptop charger went skewiff and stopped charging. I've managed to snag another one from my brothers friend.

I've not wanted to talk or see anyone over the last few weeks. Its been a struggle to get up for work and I don't even open my mail (which is causing problems because I definetly don't know how much I owe now).
I told my GP and he's prescribed me anti depressants. Ive been on them before a few years back when my son was 2 years old. Im a bit hesitant though because one of the side effects is 'suicidal tendancies'!! Hmmm, so a pill that's supposed to make me feel better is going to drive me towards jumping out a window?!?! Clever!

But going through this depression is showing me who my true friends are. Ive noticed people only want me 'jolly' to please and entertain them. When I sent a text to 2 of my friends they didnt seem bothered that I was/am going through something, they were more concerned that I wasnt there to listen to THEM for a whole week! Really made me feel warm and fuzzy inside (!) I dont know if this is part of it, but I just dont want to talk to anyone, yet I feel so lonely. I just want to come home and stare at the floor. The sheer thought of having to talk/listen to someone on the phone just makes my skin crawl. I have Ally Mcbeal visions of me screaming at the top of my voice SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't even know why. I just need a time out.
Anywho, I just found this on someones page and it rang home so I thought I'd post it:

O God,
whose love restores
the brokenhearted of this world:
pour out your love,
we beseech you,
upon those who feel
lonely, abandoned, or unloved.
Strengthen their hope
to meet the days ahead;
give them the courage
to form life-giving friendships;
and bless them with the joy
of your eternal peace.
Amen.

Bloody negroes! Yeah I said it!

Wow, how cool. I've managed to set up the email thingy so I can post a blog from me mobi when I'm bored at work lol.

So hmmm whats been going on with me??? Well nothing exciting really...Wait! Come back!
I did get stood up on a date (see that piqued your interest didnt it, tut tut)
As it goes I was chatting to a guy online for a few days and yesterday he wanted to meet. I normally really take my time before meeting guys that Ive been talking to online, I like to message for a while then talk on the phone for 'more while' so I can get a feel of them. This guy, lets call him ACTOR, wanted to meet after 3 days of messaging. We swapped numbers online and he reckons he tried to call (oh yeah we also became friends on Facebook, dont ask).
I didnt have much to do and my plan was to stay in the house and not leave until I had to get THEBOY, but this dude wants us to meet up in Golders Green.
After hearing his voice I was a bit put off (not very manly, softly spoken with a Nottingham accent) and he seemed a bit pushy. (Me - I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE IT FOR ANOTHER TIME... Him - I DONT THINK SO!!!)

So I get all flustered cos I dont know what to wear, I had to borrow £20 off of my friend so I could get petrol and credit. I drive up to Golders Green (we're supposed to meet for 2pm, eventhough he had an audition for 1pm) scrambling for parking, ended up paying £2, which is alot for someone who doesnt have it - only for him to text me at 2.20pm and say he's still in the audition!!!
Wasted journey! Wasted driving petrol, MAC foundation and perfume! And up until now, more than 24hours later he hasnt rung me.
Can you see why Im losing faith in men and black men at that because those are the ones I date, and the ones Im attracted to, the ones I want to marry. *sad face*

I managed to get 2 dresses for £14 though. And I had ice cream and waffles so that cheered me up a little.

Does it work

Testing testing 123
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????

So Im just browsing through some unknown peoples pictures on Facebook and Im completely baffled. Some people!!! oh, my, gosh!
I'm actually 'writeless'. I cant even think of what to write because of what I've seen.

Tut Tut, smh *sigh*

So pretty yet so lonely!

Lately I've noticed that when I come back from being out all day (at friends, or the funfair or
shopping) I come home and sit down and feel soooo lonely. And its not just a 'ho hum, woe is me' kind of
lonely. Its a dreaded 'oh god is this it forever??' lonely!! I've just got in from a friends barbeque and I had an alright time there (well apart from some foolish people being there but I won't go into that right now) but I left there, drove home and when I closed my front door and sat down that feeling came. Like I've been sitting down doing shit all day, there's no one coming to see me, I may aswell put on jammys and go to bed. I was close to tears a second ago but then I stopped myself because really I don't know what I'm crying for. Being lonely? I've cried about that already and it didn't change things. Its so frustrating to come home to the same empty place everyday; no one to greet you, moan to, put your feet up on *sigh*
I got told I was sooo pretty today (oh and a few days ago AND the person wasn't drunk) but when I hear that I just want to say SO!?!?
I'm pretty and what....? Pretty lonely is what I is

Eww, eww, eww!

Ive just been browsing (I'm bored, what can I say) on a black or 'Afro-Carribean' dating website! O...M...G! I'm going to be alone forever with a cobwebbed fanny, complaining to my orchids about the taxes!!!!!!

The men are soooooooooooo ugly! I think I've seen 1 out of a possible 50 men who doesnt make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean they either have odd shaped heads, or gigantic noses or just plain ugliness oozing out of the page. I've not seen one where I can say 'Yes I will happily lay down with you forever...'
Im now depressed and I dont even have any ice cream to get me through the evening, kmt.

from my blackberry

Wow! This page took ages to load on my crackberry. Jjust testing really, nothing fantastic has happened in the last few hours sorry.

For F**ks Sake!!!

Well my day was alright but now I...AM...SO...PISSED...OFF!

So first of all I find out one of my good friends (lets call her JJ) has moved her good for nothing, cheating on-off boyfriend back into her place. She has 2 kids with him (and he has 2 kids with his wife, yeah..dont get me started!!) and I know she loves him and its hard yadda yadda yadda but he is going to screw her over again and again like he has for the past 6-7 years.
Apparently she moved him back in February and she's only just told me (Im not bothered about that).
Im bothered at the fact that I was hoping she was distancing herself from him and getting him out of her system, but now he's back its like...like...its all back to square one. I know its bad to think this but I just want him to disappear!
She deserves so much better.

AND THEN My brother, who's ex girlfriend is a moody little self obsessed bitch who made him cry and cry and doubt himself has been hanging around again. My mum invited me over for dinner that my brother was cooking (which is a rareity) and I was going to go until she told me that 'devil woman' was there!!!

I mean WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!! DOESNT ANYONE HAVE A BACKBONE ANYMORE?!?!? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO SOMEONE WHO IS TREATING YOU THIS WAY

Sex with the Ex!

Since the 17th Feb Ive been having AMAZING sex with my ex-boyfriend, MM (my son's father). We have an okay relationship I guess. I think he's a spineless asshole who could do alot more with his son but chooses not to. He always has stupid excuses when he doesnt give me money for TheBoy (for example being chased across town by Mobsters! Mobsters?!?! Come on, this isn't Brooklyn)

Anywho, lately we've been knocking the boots AND.IT'S.GOOD!
He's on his way now.*giggle giggle* I feel naughty (in a good way of course) because my son is asleep when MM turns up and he's still asleep when MM leaves in the morning so I dont have to answer any awkward questions.
The only thing I have to keep doing is staring at my bedroom door - the last thing I want to have to do is explain why my legs are in the air with daddy inbetween them, ya dig!

I'm off, gotta go freshen up. Its going to be a long, sweaty night, lol

Wonders never cease

I JOINED THE GYM!

I JOINED THE LOCAL FITNESS FIRST!!!!

Even I'm amazed at me, loooooooooooool!

Date report

Good evening bloggers!

Its my 29th Birthday today and I'm feeling quite good, albeit a bit tired!
My Sky + HD came today, I went and bought a 32" Toshiba telly this morning and dragged it up the stairs and set it all up by myself. Huh...who needs men??!?!?

So I met up with the guy from work (he's a nurse, so he's going to be called simply 'MaleNurse').
So MaleNurse called me around 12.30 and said for us to meet up in Park Royal and get some lunch. Cool by me, food is my friend. Put a bit of slap on, done my little 'oh-this-may-be-the-guy' dance and then went on my way. I decided to wear my black stretch jeans, black top and tan knee highs with tan belt and gold accessories. I felt alright, I felt pretty! (a rareity, trust me!)
He hugged me (eeee! felt so good) and we decided on Nandos (my favourite).

Conversation was cool and he was nice...I likey.
BUT I dont think me and him will become involved because he doesnt seem the type to want to settle down. He still has a lot of stuff he wants to do and thats all good for a girl who isnt looking for anything serious but me...I want the babies now! Not after he's travelled the whole world. My biological clock is ticking damnit! Its damn near falling off the shelf and smashing to smitherines so I need someone who's pretty much done it all and who wants to keep still now. He's a traveller, and he likes to produce music, he's 30 and still lives at home, no kids and 2 cars. He really doesnt seem like the kind of guy that will be happy when I whip out the Clearblue packet!
I came away from the date feeling a little deflated. Deflated because I still have to be looking.

I treat ME!

*IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'LL BE IN DEBT IF I WANT TO*

Its my birthday in 2 days (24th March baby yeah) and I'm going to buy myself a 32" Toshiba TV and a Blackberry Curve.

Why???? Well when you are around poor (or stingy) people, you can only treat yourself.
So I want them and Ive been working bloody hard catching babies at 3am so I think I deserve them too.

Plus Im going to be 29...29 damnit!!! 29...single...horny (well not really cos I had good sex last night), but you get the jist.
So on Friday (payday) I'm going to waddle off to T-mobile and buy me a new phone because my Nokia E71 is going to get smashed to smitherines if I have it any longer.

I have a date!

Okay Im really trying to contain my excitement. *fidget fidget*
When I wrote my last entry I had met a guy who I used to see around the hospital. He'd come in the entrance opposite the reception desk I would be sitting at in my old job. We always used to say HI and BYE but not more than that...so I saw him (after a long time of not seeing him cos I changed my job) in Hobbycraft in Greenford and we chatted and he ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!!!

Being the little relationship pessimist that I am, I resigned myself to believe he wont be calling. I left it a week (and inbetween this I'd been talking to my girlfriends and finding it painfully hard not mentioning him)
I text him (very unlike me to do so first) and we had a text-a-sation, then he text me a few days after and then today which is probably 2 weeks since he asked for the number HE CALLED AND ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!! SO we are going to meet for lunch tomorrow since we are both off of work this week...now I just have to figure out what to wear. EEeeee!

Don't tell!

So with my love life being non existent Ive decided that whenever I do meet someone new Im not going to tell my friends about it.

I've got 4 great friends and my mum who I tell pretty much everything to and once Ive been approached by a new guy or meet someone I like I tell them all about it. Where we met, what we said, when he calls etc. But Im finding that as soon as Ive told them about him, I dont hear anything and if I do hear from him...he's a wanker!
SO Im finding my 'potential mates' list is really going up and its all filled with losers! Im beginning to get depressed when one of my girlfriends comes on the phone and asks about X,Y or Z because I never have anything good to say about them.

So from now on, I will not mention the first meeting or phone conversation or even first date until I am sure he's going to be sticking around.
The only person I will tell is my mum...well I have to tell SOMEONE!!

Goodnight

The one

He'd come up and talk to me as if we've been friends forever.
He'd be taller and darker and slimmer
He'd be confident but not arrogant, funny but not an idiot
He'd at least have a child already (so when I finally get knocked up it wouldnt be a shock)
He would drive (nothing flash, nor falling apart)
He'd be generous but not frivolous
He'll also be true to his word, ie I'll call you back/I'll pick you up at 7...and he does.
He'd be polite to others and only get his back up when he needs to.
He's be religious and spiritual, but not to the point where he rams it down your throat.
If he has beliefs, he's willing to share them but not force them on me.
He's not controlling, nor does he have stupid male double standards.
He's independent and doesnt need to be up my ass every day, but then doesnt like to be away from me too long, lol.
He'd have his own place. No sneaking around trying to avoid parents or siblings.
He'd be into books, current events, sports (only so he has stamina, lol), fashion and music.
Our conversations would be endless and if there are any silences, they would be comfortable.
He'd have drive and ambition.
He'd be proud of being black, but wouldnt ramble on about the hardships we face. He wouldnt act 'ghetto' either.
He'd hold my hand and kiss me in public, but not too much - dont want to make people sick now!
He'd be close to his family and I'd be accepted easily.
Ex-girlfriends?!? What are they? Hardly ever mentioned and if they are I'd not notice because he wouldnt focus on what they were or had.
He'd have sown his oats and had his fun, now he wants to settle down and I'll be the one.
Considerate, loyal and honest.
He'd be the one and he'd be mine

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!

Whats my problem?!?!

I'm at my friends sons 1st birthday party and I'm feeling a bit blue. I done a stupid thing in the early hours of this morning. I text DB a horrible message because I looked on his new Facebook page and saw loads of stuff I didnt like. Some of his statuses were quotes that seemed like they were related to me or us and our relationship (paranoia maybe???) and he's been 'liking' a lot of this girls photos. (this girl Julia, is one who was in the background willing to marry him so he could stay here)
So he stopped contact with her because of the way I felt but looks like now he is all over her page.
Anywho I sent him a moody text about him not returning my calls because he's busy sweeting Julia and how IM not going to bother with him anymore. But I also feel like a hypocrite because not 2 days ago was I having sex with someone else. So Im basically being a cow. I guess if Im having sex with other people then he can too, and Im not saying that he is unless she's been over there, but still. Oh I dont know, someone shoot me and get this over with.

Sex, Ikea and Argos

Isn't it amazing how you can go without something for so long and then out of the blue you get 2 helpings in the same month?!?! Dont know what I'm talking about? Well basically Im saying I had some nookie last night...AND IT WAS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!

The Sperm Donor (obviously my sons father) decided he wanted to come and spend the night and seeing as Ive been hard up for some passion (no pun intended) I said yes. I said yes because he's a guaranteed good peice of ass, lol.

I know what I'll be getting in the nookie department and with him there isnt anything to complain about *howling laughter, slapping knee*

See I have this analogy (or metaphor, theory, call it what you will). I compare my sexual partners to Ikea and Argos. Now I buy most of my furniture from Ikea because I think the products are strong and last ages and I know that they will last a long time. I dont buy any furniture from Argos because they are floppy and unsturdy and dont look as good in the house as they did in the catalogue. SO. I have a few ex boyfriends who are...hmm...not very adventurous or long lasting in the bedroom as I would like...ARGOS! And I have the sperm donor and one other ex who are my IKEA's. They get the job done, they have me singing in different languages and I always end up aching and smiling ear to ear! Comprendae? Good!
{BACK TO THE STORY}

So he came straight from work and when our son went to sleep, we... got...it...on! Now Im walking around like a cheshire cat!
It was excelfantagood!!!!! The kissing, the foreplay, the different positions, the talking! It doesnt mean anything, and I dont care if I dont speak to him until next month when he comes to take TheBoy, Im just glad I had something that made me sleep like a baby!

Goodnight y'all!

Used?!?!?

In all my sexual years, Ive not been used. And by used I mean, a guy turns on the charm and then once he's got his rocks off, doesnt call again and ignores you.
Thats happened to other girls, not me....until now!

So my internet friend who Ive been talking to since beginning of 2008 has gone awol on me. We 'bumped uglies' on Sunday morning and whenever I sign in on msn (where we talk pretty much 3 times a week) he signs out or doesnt answer when I start a convo.
Now Im not bothered about the sex (seriously no comment) but its that Ive lost a friend. We would talk all the time about loads of stuff. But I cant help thinking that Ive been talking to some weirdo for the past 2 years. Was he grooming me all that time??? Either way I thought he was cool.
Hopefully his 'weird man' medication will set in and he'll fix up and not piss other chicks about

Oh well.
Onto the next.

Cherry goes pop!

I'm no longer a virgin!
I have had sexual relations after nearly a year of no action.

..........but I don't want to talk about it, *sigh*

Woe is me! (dont read if you're not very sympathetic)

Its Friday night and Im at home...alone....AGAIN!
Im so sick of this shit. And there doesnt even seem to be anything I can do about it. I just have to 'wait' until God see's fit to send a man into my life.
Im horny (STILL horny) the so called men in my life arent men because they have no backbone or too much belly for me to contend with so really Im up the creak without a paddle, or up the hornypole without a penis!

Now if I was like some people I could go out there and get my freak on but that would mean abandoning my morals and self respect. How many times have I been told to 'just sleep with him'!! Erm hello, don't I have to WANT to sleep with him first?? Shit if I slept with every guy that fancied me I'd be a walking herpes machine or on the 10 oclock news for the loosest girl in London.
And plus Im not just trying to sleep with someone to uncobweb myself but I actually want a relationship. The thing that most people have and take for granted. What is it about me that means I have to be the eternal singleton??? And what prospects do I have?? Some young fool around the corner that has a belly bigger than mine (Ick!!). He reckons he's mature but still lives at home and is so unreliable. He says he's going to help me...but not until next week!??!?! WTF! And then to put the nail in the coffin, he said "I'd help you even more if I knew I was getting something in return" CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT!!! He's supposed to be mature ( he keeps re-itterating this by the way) So as of this friday I havent bothered to entertain him anymore. He would come over here and chill and watch movies etc, but I cant be asked now, he can piss off.

THEN there's one closer to my age who reckons he wants to entertain me...YET HE WONT EVEN MAKE THE EFFORT TO COME AND GET THE COOCHIE! Now this was his idea in the first place, I'd sooner just stay non-fucking friends but he want/ed to take it to the next level. Pfft! Yeah right Im assuming in his head he wants to get down with me but whenever Ive suggested a time that my son is not around, he's busy or if he decides to come down its too late and the trains are about to stop running! Im just pissed with it all. After watching HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU' Its bloody obvious that that is the case. They have no intentions of doing anything with me but they need some excitement so they will piss about and SAY that they do but dont...phew!
Im so pissed, horny, upset, alone and frustrated that no man activity seems to be going right. Most of my friends are with someone so moaning to them is a no-no. So sorry blogger. I just moaned all over you, lol.

Im going to stuff my face with some chocolate chip ice cream!
Bon nuit.

Back and Forth

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So far its been boring, but Im alive so hey!

Christmas Day, my brother revealed that his girlfriend thinks she's a lezza! I dont care if she's a lezza, more power to ya. But when you make my brother cry over Lamb and Cranberry sauce I want to smack your face in!
But then just talking to my mum, it seems he's gone to Nandos with her!!! What the hell?!?!? I thought men were supposed to be the heartless ones who can walk away? Or is it just my brother who cant seem to be a heartless pig and then decide to sleep with everything that walks?? I dont know. Its not my battle, I just want him to be happy and 'she' doesnt make him happy. Only time will tell.

Meanwhile Im off of work (my new job which Im loving) with a beaten up toe. I bashed my little toe on TheBoy's trainers on the 23rd dec and Ive been limping ever since. Swollen, red and extra ugly Im practically housebound, limping all over the gaff like i live in Notre Dame. Ive been to A & E and it's not broken, its just painful. Great! Signed off for 2 weeks...Im so bored!