So far, so good

Wow, I haven't written in ages.
I'm now 20 weeks pregnant and loving it. The beginning was tough, constant puking, feeling uber-tired, and overly hungry but now I'm back to normal and back at work (I was off for 6 weeks).
No insane cravings at the moment, although I am extra thirsty so any fruit juice that crosses my path will get devoured in seconds, lol.

The baby movements are happening, and even though I have been knocked up before, albeit 10 years ago, it still feels so new and strange. I grin everytime I feel it.

I have my scan on Monday to tell us what the sex is, I'm very excited about that too.
Fingers crossed its a girl people, lol

Trying not to get excited...

OMG! I've just done a test and I'm pregnant!!! Very early days, I've not told ANYBODY! And its hard. I hate keeping secrets/gossip. I haven't even told my boyfriend or mum . After losing my baby back in December I don't want to risk it nor do I want to get excited and get ahead of myself. I'm still getting cramps so I'm expecting to see blood when I go to the loo (sorry) so I'm worried. I'll just wait it out and see. For now tho, I just have to keep it all inside, until it kicks....or I go into labour lol.

The L word

Wow! Even at 30 years of ages (yes it was my birthday on the 24th March) I still don't know when it's the right time to say it. It meaning LOVE! I LOVE YOU. It shouldn't be such a big thing but it is. I don't want to say it and he doesn't feel the same, eventhough IT FEELS like he feels the same way, but you never know with men do ya.

Its come up alot in recent conversation. Love is blind, thats what I love about you, love me love my poo (long story) but how am I to know if he's serious or if he's just joking.
In my last relationship I said it because it was true and because I was certain that he was going to say it back but he didn't! Like a lead balloon I felt foolish and cried once he went home. I dread for this to happen now. When we're together just chillin out and being silly and recently, after sex, it was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell him how much he means to be me and how I love him for making me happy, but in the back of my mind I think I better keep it to myself...just a little longer...or until he says it first. And then I'll reply even louder I LOVE YOU TOO!!

Like me not!

70% of the time I like myself, but then there's that 30% when I loathe myself. I don't know if its an Aries trait, a black impatient females trait or just my trait but its annoying. What's annoying? My impatience, my analysing, my 'getting upset at the drop of a hat-ness! I've let something that is so minor (I know its minor) drive me to deleting my blackberry messenger. Now in my head what 'he she and they said' in return is 'outrageous and rude' and has pissed me right off. I act in haste, I know this but its something I've never been able to change no matter how hard I try to ignore my itching urge to say something rash, or smash the glass my feelings get the better of me and before you know it...I've fucked up! Its bad and only I (oh and a few other Aries friends) know what I mean and feel. Its a nuisance but also a hot headed neccesity. I still need help tho

Sender: 07904818489   Your message:   +07904818489 Long time no type. Hmmm what's been going in with me?!? Quite a lot that I don't want to bore you with so let's stick to the semi good stuff (for me anyway). 1. I met my guys mum and brothers. They are really nice and seem to like me (she invited me back for dinner so I'm taking that as a good sign). They laugh a lot, just like my family so that was easier to deal with when I was there. Eventho I looked like roadkill because I came back from a night shift. 2. I have a lovely new Blackberry Torch which I'm blogging from right now! Its so clear and fast, definetly the best Blackberry I've ever had. Hmmm what else?!?! Well not much at the mo' bearing in mind I'm leaving out all the things that are stressing me, that seems to be all. Will rant and rave another day. Laters   Sending a reply: You can reply by email to this mobile number within the next 7 days. < only include attachments in jpeg or wav format. < The total message size should not exceed 300kb. < You can only reply once, and it must be within 7 days of receiving this message.

My Big Fat....TV watching

Signs of old age - coming home from work and catching up on sky+, lol. I have NO energy to go out raving after Ive done a 12 hour shift at the hospital no matter how much I bop to the car radio.

Im watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and I'm sad. Sad that these girls only cook and clean from the age of 12-13 until...well...forever! And they are happy with that! But how sad to not know any better. Some of them can't even read. (OMG, the thought of not being able to read fills me with dread!)

I've had my eyes opened though because when I would see them walking through our town centre dressed like a bunch of Brooklyn hookers, I'd give the dirty looks and think 'what the hell is wrong with them?!?!?' (I judged and I am sorry, lol)
But now I know that's just them and their...style! I will no longer give them dirty looks thanks to Channel 4!

Testing

Can't remember if this works
------------------

So whats been going on...?

Well my blackberry is in the menders and I feel so lost without it. Sad that a phone is now making me feel complete (tut tut).
Im still with my man, but Im not pregnant yet. Im sure having sex only once a week has something to do with it, whadya think?!?!? I wish he was more sexual. I feel starved looool.

Im trying to lose weight (massive laugh) Ive reduced the amount of crap I eat and have become a bit too obsessed with eating fruit. But fret not, there's no way in hell am I gonna to become anorexic. Being anorexic takes willpower to stay away from the fridge and I cant even stay away from the kitchen!

I have a car issue. I'll elaborate later but as it goes...IT'S TAKING FOREVER TO GET OFF THE GROUND!
I'm praying to the Lord for patience (not my strong point) and Im trying breathing techniques as well, I actually sound as if I am in labour but hey hoo!

Anywho, I need to go and pick up my boo from afterschool club.

Adios