Don't read this, its extrememly boring...

I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!
I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!I WANT A BABY! I WANT A CAR! I WANT DB!

Phew! I feel a bit better now.

My weekend.

Wow, I havent been on here for a coupl'a days.
Whats been happening? Well not much really. I havent suddenly won the lottery, or been whisked off by a rich, hunky dude with an 8 inch schlong to the Maldives. No I'm still broke and horny, lol.

Saturday - I got up early (10am eeeek) and went to town and looked for sommething to wear because I was going out (actually wish I didn't bother now, but I'll get into that later). Found a dress, heels, belt, purse and a t-shirt dress in New Look. The belt, purse, and T-shirt dress are all going back. I looked like someone had painted me in electric blue, NOT a good look!
Then I made my way to my Nans and met Mum and done some bits with them, watched some Michael Jackson programmes and depressed ourselves. It didn't help that Nan then turned around and said to us 'You know he died just the other day ya know???'

So we left Nan's before we developed dementia aswell and went to mine so I could get tarted up. I choose the butterfly dress from New Look and 'sky high' blue velvet heels (stupid idea, my feet were bleeding at the end of doing too many Michael Jackson moves, lol).
Mum dropped me to Charlene's about 9.30 and then we left to go to Notting Hill for our friends B'day party. That was crap. It was in the basement of a restaurant and all of her friends were yuppies, 'mwah mwah dahhhling' type of people. Patrice was already drunk so we took some pics with her and stood by the bar, then ran up the stairs and went back to the car. We were there all of 6 mins.
Passed by another club which was about £12 to get in but one look at the queue told us one of us would've got shot if we went in so we went to THE PRIORY in Ealing.
Now I'm either getting old or just too picky but I'm never going to the Priory again (unless I take up Crack Cocaine as a past time).
Weird men by themselves NOT dancing but staring, skinny girls with BIG bellies hanging over their too short shorts, crazy japanese tourists who look liked they've been injected with Speed...wrong just wrong! And I was dressed quite nice if I say so myself. Got in about 4am and called DB.

Sunday - Waddled down to my Mums because she had TheBoy whilst I shook my booty.
She wanted us to repaint her room so she could get over her wankstain ex boyfriend. It was fun, we played music and got covered in pink paint and just generally chatted rubbish. I love me mum I do! She's a top bird!
And that was it...My weekend.

Michael Jackson RIP

Morning All,

I'm actually slobbering all over my keyboard because I'm so upset.

I went to bed early last night and put my phone on silent, but saw texts and missed calls. When I read the texts about 12.30am, they said that MJ had died of a heart attack! 'Yeah right' I thought but turned on the TV and watch BBC news 24.
Like Sept 11th, I was glued to it and stunned! Maybe he needs money for his concert so its just a publicity stunt?? (I told you I can be a bit dim somwetimes) It can't possibly be real? I watched what I could and tried to go back to sleep.
The funny thing about death is that its hard to fathom that that person is NO MORE! Never to be seen again, the music stops, the talking stops, seeing them in a chair when you walk in the room...stops!
Some heartless people expect you not to be upset because you've never met him etc, but he's been around since BEFORE I was born, I grew up on his music, I love his music, I'm a fan dagnammit!

I'm supposed to be getting ready for work and now I've got to tell THEBOY, he's a fan too. I'm not looking forward to that.

It was all going swimingly...

It doesnt take much for me to know that I'm not going to be spending alot of time with you. And if you are to be the person who I stop daydreaming about DB for then, you need to be extra special!!! The guy from the cricket even wasn't that special let me tell ya.
We had an MSN conversation last night and most of it was alright, but then we started talking about food (my favourite subject after Sex and Reading, lol) and all was well until he said,

"You need to cut down on the sugar babes, I'm putting my foot down now" *queue baffled face*.
I can't stress how much I hate when people tell me what to do and for him that was the death of him getting to see my booty. Dude was coming like me and him were involved already, thinking he can tell me what to do, uh uh!

I instantly lost all interest after that and it made me miss DB even more. DB loves my sugar lumps and stretch marks and dimply bum (sorry y'all) , I don't want someone who's going to be watching what I'm eating. He can hit the road.
Now I just have to think of an excuse as to why I won't be able to meet up with him after all...hmmm maybe a pretend pregnancy will do it...or I've decided to become a lesbian and see how that suits me.

I've got it!! I'll tell him I'm going to Trinidad for 2 weeks and then come back a pregnant lesbian.

Either way, he's not going to stop me from putting sugar on my strawberries!!!

Am I bad?

At this very moment, I'm on MSN to a guy I met at a Barbados Cricket event. A guy who is not DB, and I'm enjoying the convo very much.
He wants to meet...so do I but then I'm doing the internal 'What if it was DB talking to some girl and wanting to meet her??'.

I feel bad because I'm 'getting to know' someone else and liking him too. And I'm the sort of person who thinks about sex when I'm talking to a guy, lol especially if I like him and I'm thinking he likes me, (so childish I know).
I mean I won't bring it up but I think things like
'HMMM I WONDER WHAT FUNNY NOISES YOU MAKE WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO 'ARRIVE',
DO YOU KEEP YOUR SOCKS/CAP ON IN BED,
ARE YOU AN UP-MY-ASS PLAYER???

Or maybe I shouldn't get to know him, maybe I should just get my rocks off with this guy and keep my heart with DB until he comes back home!!! That'd work...right?

Rant!

Erm...Am I the only one who thinks its wrong for my manager to answer my colleagues mobile?
Pushpa (don't worry she won't read this) is waiting to hear from an interview but she left her phone and went to get lunch. Her mobile starting ringing and was going for ages, and menopause-cow went and answered it!!! And then, she relayed what the person said to the rest of the office! I'd love her to do that to me, I'd karate-chop her in the head....Rant over.

I spoke to DB twice on Sunday. He rang me at 4, 6 and 9am totally forgetting that I would be sleeping. So I called him back a few minutes after 9 and we spoke for a bit, mostly catch up and 'I miss you's'. He's still making comments about me coming out there but like I've said before I can't do it financially. Its just way too much money for 2 weeks (eventhough I'd come back beaming like a cheshire cat from all the sun and sex I would have).
I'm just going to keep praying that he comes back.

Other news: I'm looking for a car. I passed my test (YAY ME) on the 14th May, I'll never forget this date, lol and I need a car so badly. From the moment my nose hair was singed thanks to a stinky passenger on the bus, I've wanted a car.
And there's nothing worse than having to lug £80 worth of food shopping from Tesco on the bus...in the rain...with a moaning 8 year old...with sore feet...on your period!! Ideally I want a Vauxhall Corsa, 5 door, power steering, CD player, Egyptian Cotton headrests (just kidding). But I'm low on funds so its proving impossible at the moment, ho hum.

Hmmm, I'm thinking I should've called this blog: LILI'S QUEST FOR CAR AND DICK!

Powerless.

I can't remember the last time I saw my mum cry, but I saw her cry today and it ripped me apart. She called me on my mobile while I was at a friends house and she was crying and sounded really upset, it took a while to calm her down to understand what she was saying. All I got was 'He's gone!' My friend whizzed me over to her house.

Her boyfriend (well ex now) left her today. He said he didn't want to hurt her by being unfaithful and sure as the sun rises he will be unfaithful. But she's hurt now. I didn't know what to say. As I held her, I could literally feel her heart breaking. I could hear it in her cry, cries that I've done many-a-time over losers.

All the times I've cried over my rubbish-ships and she's been there to rub my back and supply kleenex must've felt like this, nothing you can do, you just...POWERLESS!

Whilst listening to her I wanted to find him and pull his legs off like little boys do to daddy long legs. You string my mum along and get to jump in your hamper van and carry on breathing!!! I don't think so. But what could I do?? I don't have a car, I don't have a clue where he went, nor do I have the guts to go to prison and be felt up by some butch called MAD-DONNA.

I digress, all I could do is pass her tissue and rub her back and bring her a glass of Jamaican rum. Feed her all the lines that every brokenhearted person gets fed, 'Maybe he needs space, You'll find someone else, He wasn't worth it yadda yadda yadda.
I've had to leave her at home by herself (my brother is at Rollermotion disco) and I know she's sitting there crying and thinking all kinds of things.
Ohhhh, what to do.

But wait...

I've just been emailing an old school friend on Facebook and I told her about my situation with DB. She's been in Trinidad with her company and she was advising me to go over there, but when I just said I may not go because DB and I might split she then decided to tell me how there are loads of gorgeous women over there and that there are more women than men so they have loads to choose from!!!!
Erm...can we say INSENSITIVE?!?
That's like telling an alcoholic that its happy hour forever! Blasted idiot, I won't be replying to her anymore.

My day.

Phew I'm tired.
I got up early today 8am (I NEVER wake up early on the weekend unless its imperitive I do so) to go and pick up my bag from the post office depot.
Then I walked around town with my friend Shorty because she wanted to buy some bra's. She has massive boobs, lol, and I'm very envious so I followed her around like a lovesick puppy. I'm strictly dickly but Shorty's boobs amaze me! I wandered around Debenhams trying not to buy anything - It was sooo hard. I saw so many things I liked but I remained strong and only bought a thong which was reduced to £1.60 heehehe.
Then I popped to the charity shop to see if they had any books. I bought 3 (£1.50) and you know what, I have bought 11 books this week!!! Its bad and I was going to count how many I had on my bookshelf but I thought if it comes to more than 300 (which it just might) I'd cry. I have nearly 300 books and haven't seen a penis in 4 months!!!

So after that, I went food shopping in Watford Tesco with mum and nan. Always a depressing trip because my nan constantly shouts at THEBOY and just generally gets on my tits. Then came home and done a spring clean. I shredded some no-longer-important papers, hoovered, put clothes out to dry, mopped and put stuff away.

In between all of that though, I managed to send the SPERM DONOR a stinking text, THEBOY wanted to talk to him so we rang him from the house phone and he cut us off. I was furious! Not seeing or spending anytime with him since February and when I call he doesnt even answer the phone or return the call. So the anger got to me and I decided not to be so nice so I sent him this:

'STOP BEING A SPINELESS SHIT AND ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE. YOUR SON, REMEMBER HIM, WANTS TO TALK TO YOU AND SEEING AS YOU CAN'T CONTRIBUTE TO HIS UPKEEP ONCE A MONTH THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS ANSWER OR RETURN HIS PHONCECALL. THE FACT THAT YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM FOR MONTHS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS. DON'T BOTHER TRYING TO COME BACK WITH SOMETHING TO TRY AND HURT ME BECAUSE SEEING HIM UPSET IS PAINFUL ENOUGH. JUST CALL HIM!!!!!!!!!!'

Ohhh watch me. That was sent at 6.13pm and the shite hasn't replied yet.
I rebooted and made dinner and now I'm chilling, listening to PM Dawn.
Until next time....

Questions

How am I going to get pregnant by DB if he's all the way in Trinidad???

How am I ever going to get a car on measly wages??

How can I get a washboard stomach if I can't stay away from Fox's Chocolate Crunch biscuits???
Answers on a postcard please *sigh*

Wish I wasn't so nice

Evening all.
I sometimes annoy myself. I overthink things WAY too much and just get peeved that I don't have more of a backbone. I wish I could tell people what I really think/feel, and they can't answer me or comment because they are bound with tape (sanctuary garden anyone?) So I figure, I'll do it here and see if it makes me feel better.

BOSS (menopausecow) - You are the most irritating woman I have EVER come across in my life. You are unprofessional, dopey, indecisive, two-faced and hypocritical. Your managing skills are shit! And you have a brain like a seive, filing letters with surname P under A...THE LETTERS ARENT EVEN SIMILIAR YOU PLONK! When you make a mistake its no big deal but you tell us to 'use our noddle' infront of the whole of reception. And then have the audacity to comment on my weight when you STILL have a massive belly after having your last child 24 years ago. You can take this job and shove so far up your jacksy, you'll never sit down again!!!!!

THE SPERM DONOR - I can't even say I regret meeting you because then I wouldnt have THEBOY but you are the biggest waste of space invented. ALL you have to do is call your son once a week and contribute money (not as much as I contribute I'll add) but you can't do it. You actually make me sick when you come on the phone after 3 months of no contact and you try and act sweet.
Throwing all these excuses at me like I'm so half wit bimbo who believes your stories. 'My yard got raided by the police and I've been in custody for 3 weeks', 'Im homeless so thats why I couldnt call' 'my cousins'-great aunts-uncles-sister banged her toe and I couldnt make it' and the overused one 'I got mugged and I lost all my money' while you are standing there wearing fresh Prada loafers.
I don't give a shit if you have a fantastic new girlfriend who can do the splits in bed, JUST CALL YOUR F'ING SON!!!!! You spout all this crap about not getting rid of your seed and you don't even call 'your seed', you don't know what his favourite colour is or how he likes his eggs. Unfortunately he still thinks the sun shines out of your rear but one day (hopefully) he'll see you for the spineless person you are.

SLOW PERSON INFRONT OF ME - You've been standing at the bus stop waiting for this bus for pissing ages and you didn't have your oyster card ready???....MOVE!
Is there are funeral procession ahead in the middle of Tesco??? I have places to go...MOVE!

DB - I love you, I really do. But one thing I can't take is people who don't listen to me and you are one of them. I told you from the get-go that I didn't want to get involved with you if you have to go back home. But you didnt listen to me, hence me now being horny and heartbroken. You persued me because YOU wanted me and what you want is enough (selfish some people call it).
Part of me wants you to leave me alone and never call again so I can meet other people and get my freak on (unlikely) but the biggest part of me wants you to come back and annoy me with your accent and stupid jokes.
I think you're an idiot for leaving England, yes it was cold...get over it. But it has jobs, well more than Trinidad anyway and better nightlife, Fitness First, factory outlets and loads of different places and things to do, plus Im here!(sex on tap dagnammit). But then I think maybe Im not enough for you and thats why you really left.

NAN - This would be so hard cos I love you. But the way you treat me and mum is so wrong. You have 4 children and 8 grandchildren and only 1 daughter helps you. Me and mum do alot for you. The others don't give you the time of day. You expect us to sit with you every evening and weekend to watch Deal or No Deal, not go out and have a life of our own. You want us to bring you cakes and KFC every day (even though you're supposed to be diabetic) You chase us down for things (Pyrex dishes, box of crayons) that you're not going to use anytime soon and you create a mountain out of molehill. Call us and cuss us about silly things, yet you never give the others this shit. The ones who won't and don't do anything for you, don't take you anywhere or call you 3 times a day on the phone.

But I wont say these things, Im scared of repercussions and consequences of what
would happen, so I keep it all inside and bitch and moan like a granny, lol

The wondering eye

Afternoon all.
I'm struggling with myself at the moment. I'm a faithful person and have only cheated on a guy once (we weren't all that serious and he was rubbish in bed, PLUS he said he didn't believe in monogamy). But now I'm with someone (kind of because he actually lives in Trinidad now) and I love him but I'm starting to get the itch...REAL bad!
I'm an eternal single girl, guys never come along as often as I would like and I've been alone for years at a time, so I've dealt with the 'twitching fanny' before but this time I'm actually going crazy. I'm so horny I see grown penise's sitting next to me on the bus, walking down the road and flying through the air!!! (Hey maybe thats my cue to get into one of them mental home thingys).
Anywho yeah, so basically DB (my man) has gone back to live in Trinidad because he can't afford to live here anymore and seeing as he hasnt got his stay he can't claim benefits etc and he's not the gangster type to sell weed and have Operation Trident at my door so he has decided to go back home hence me being so horny and alone (boo hoo).
I don't know what to do really, I'm not rolling in £50 notes like Posh Spice so I can't go there and he can't find a job out there so he can't come here. I'm not a fan of cyber sex because that just gets me more frustrated so I've been looking at potential suitors (yes I feel like I'm betraying him already) but I don't know if I'd do anything with them mainly because I love DB and I would not be happy if he was looking at big batty girls to relieve himself so I shouldn't be thinking about it...but why can't I stop thinking about it.
Its not helped by the fact I'm reading a book which is mainly about 'a normal office girl getting her rocks off'. NOT HELPFUL in my time of need, but I've started it now and I must finish... shizzle I'll carry on later because menopause-cow is coming over

Later:
Work improved and menopause-cow was trying to be nice to me so she could buy one of my bounty bars. I should've injected Aresnic before I said yes but hey ho, I'll do it next time.
Had my friend (we'll call her Shorty) pick up theboy from afterschool club and I went traipsing all the way down to Brent Cross on the bus because they have a 75% sale on all books! all books??? LIES! Selected books, crap books, boring books! I came away with 2 books which I paid full price for. A wasted journey.
Ya know i just realised I was writing about me being hornier than a nympho but I can't be asked to go into all that again now. Its time for bed

Ciao

uh oh

I just ordered a bag off of Faith's website! I knew I wouldn't last long *slaps wrists*

Yay Me!

By Jove, I done it!!
I managed to go into the Faith sale and NOT buy anything. I also went into Dorothy Perkins and walked around with a skirt in my hand (£25) and a nice baggy t-shirt with designs on it (£16) but I put them back and didn't buy anything. And then to top it off...I went into WATERSTONES AND DIDN'T BUY ANY BOOKS!!! No big deal to you people but I'm a shopaholic and its really bad because I'm eternally broke! And I love love LOVE books.
I love the feel of them and getting caught up in them and forgetting my drab life. The paper has to feel nice and the font has to be nice and the dialogue has to capture me in the first few lines...hmmm heaven. I was in there for about 20 mins and I ended up being late to get theboy (my 8 year old son), but he understands.
But yeah, sorry back to the main point - I spend money and I have a bit of it in my account so I was going to look and see what kind of shoes Faith had in and I promised myself that I would only buy 1 pair of shoes (reduced of course) or bag. But there was nothing that made me have an orgasm so I left, debit card unswiped.

lunchbreak bulletin

I went to Maternity today (no not for me yet). I've applied to become a Midwifery Assistant and was advised by two great people to have a look around the department to show how interested I am. Well I'm smitten because it was really calm for a place that welcomes life in screaming bundles of joy and its just made me really hate the department I am in now. Constant noise, constant moaning from my menopausal manager!!! I know I'm not supposed to think like this but if I dont get this job, I will surely die!
Another midwifery assistant showed me around the theatre (where caesareans are done) and showed me all 11 delivery suites (after the first 2 they all started to look the same but I kept going).
SO they know my name and hopefully they will be talking about me and encourage the seniour midwife to employ me!!!! (I can dream can't I???)

how to get admitted to the mental health dept.

I've never before thought of myself as insane and the thought of going to madhouse scares me...until I went to one today.
Another department at work was short staffed and my boss decided to send me in to help them. So I went looking for notes in the psych ward.
First I was shitting myself thinking people would know my inner mad thoughts of shooting my manager whilst eating doughnuts. But once I got there I didnt want to leave! It was sooooo nice and peaceful (apart from the odd chilling scream of course, but you can get over that). I walked past one of the 'cells' and yes...they are indeed padded. I always thought it was just over exaggeration on the media's part but it wasn't but then I started wondering 'Where can I find some material to staple to my walls??' and 'How fun would it be to run into the wall when I can't decide what to wear in the morning?'
Anywho, I must've collected the notes but because I was so tempted to declare myself a 'crazy person' I decided to nosy around the 'sanctuary garden'. Ohhh it was so cool. I used to be loud but now I'm turning into those people who always thinks 'I should've bought my book' and indeed...I SHOULD'VE BOUGHT MY BOOK!!!! It was quiet and peaceful and birds chirping and this lovely weather, wooden benches and clean cut grass just calling me to leave the patient notes behind and chillax in the sanctuary garden. And all the time I was thinking 'hmmmm what can I do to get myself into here, lol.

Foooood!

Oh gosh...I've just come across someone's blog which is all about food. Just looking at the pictures made me put on 4lbs. Recipes, people actually eating, gobs open food getting shovelled in, glistening cakes yummmmmmmmm.

Please don't get it twisted, I am not one of those chicks who constantly thinks and complains about their weight...no I like to be bootylicious (well maybe the belly can be a bit toned but hey hoe) I like my badunkadunk (booty) and my thighs. Its all good with me most days....but I think I will clear my history and never go back to that page again!

Here We Go

So I've been told (quite forcibly) by my cousin to write a blog. I don't normally like being told what to do (unless it's 'Bend Over') but I thought I'd give it a go.

I can't say its going to be exciting or it's going to be everyday but its going to be me. Shit jobs, hormonal days and the freak show of men that I meet will all be on these pages, lol.

I'm on my lunch and Ive had a good weekend but that doesnt stop me from feeling like crap (mainly because I'm 800% horny and I have no money to buy lunch so I'm drinking Buxton water) and I have a bitch of a boss who has it in for me (she'll be on here alot until I find another job).

But lunch is over now, so I'll come back with something else to say in a few hours.

Ciao